ok so I feel a little nutty…I write and it makes me feel better usually and I feel like I have accomplished something when I write. This time I feel like it turned into a no sense making ramble…I don’t feel any better after writing it..I just am not at peace with the fact that Corbin died. I could never be…I am soo happy for what I do have and it’s just crazy to live on two extremes like this…I hate racing thoughts and sometimes they really do consume me like I mention in my about me…Blake tells me I am insane and I guess he is right…It doesn’t make me a bad person I am just full of thoughts…It’s tiring sometimes to be so overloaded with worry and thoughts about things I have no control over. I need to try and focus on relaxing my mind once in a while. I just had to come jot a little more cause I felt like my blog was incomplete.
I guess I just dwell on what I can’t come to understand and accept. I always wonder if something could have been done diferently that would result in him being here and living a normal life. I just hope that since he did die it was because he needed to not because someone failed to react accordingly…I hope that he just knew somehow that he would not have a good quality of life and that it would be to hard a battle to continue to fight and tha the needed a rest. If I knew that he was really unable to live with a tripled 9th chromosome if I knew for a fact I would have no choice but to just accept I guess but since they didn’t know a thing about it being how extremely rare it is it makes it hareder to come to terms with.
Anyways…I hate feeling guilty when sometimes I need to show my sadness. I think it is crazy that anyone have to balance two extremes but I am not alone infact one of my closest friends lost her son too and we both have each other to lean on.
I need to just stop writing…Atleast for right now.
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
Recent Comments