ForDrayton.com

Blake did not apreciate his Fathers Day Gifts at all…Two Astros tees and a pair of Astros p.j bottoms…If it’s not some expensive electronic it’s not good enough for Blake.

I made stufed french toast…He is just being such a jerk. Today is Sunday his only day off and I have caught myself wishing it were Monday again so that I can be away from negativity and hostility to then have it be Monday and just wish he were home…BUT WHY??? Why the hell can’t I make up my mind in general about what is right and wrong for me and my son.

While I know that it is terrible for us to bicker in front of Drayton I also know how sad it would be if he didn’t get to see his daddy everyday and I have no control of Blakes mouth and not even of my own 100% of the time so it seems there is always tension in the air between the two of us and I hate for Drayton to see any unhappiness…I know I can’t protect him from everything but I need to do my best…I need to be the best role model that I can be and so does his father.

I just think that Blake and I are on totally different pages in life and I hate to see there ever be an impact on our child.

He would prefer to have us together but he deserves better than to hear the two of us always bickering.

WHAT THE HELL DO I DO????

Sure I know the answer and that is to just stop the bickering but it doesn’t ever stop.

I don’t fully blame Blake but I do blame his less than big efforts.

Is life a constant wondering what is the right thing to do? No. Because some people have it all together and their children are exposed to only happiness and bliss.

I care more about Drayton that I do about anything or anyone in this world.

I wish we could have a perfect family life together but I have lots of issues and so does Blake and I don’t know what to do to make right of our situation immediately and I find myself sad that rather than just roll in the joys I am worrying all the time about rights and wrongs.

Wouldn’t it be great if thoughts could be directly imported once they are thought up onto paper through some sort of technology???

Save having to reitterate through blogging.

I wonder if anyone thinks and worries to the degree that I do…I can think about several things and worry about each of them all at once…I am at work full time in my thoughts and as crazy as it sounds it’s my situation…

I just want to be the best mom and I want to do things right the first time and not have regrets…I don’t want to wonder what is right all the time I WANT TO KNOW WHAT IS RIGHT AND DO IT!

Well I am going to pause my blog now because Blake is yappin at me while I am trying to type so there goes the focus.

My mom is on her way over and that is another story….

She is not as punctual as I like to be and I get annoyed with that…It was a nice visit we had good conversation and she and Drayton played alot.

6-22-09

I signed Drayton up for swimming lessons. They were supposed to start last week. I called to confirm and they mentioned they bumped it up a week…We were soo excited I had been telling Drayton about it for some time now.

Called today to confirm and he was never put on the schedule…

I was really pissed and now have to find somewhere else.

It is soooo hot here during the summer so we don’t go outside as often lately…It’s just mieserable out there so I am trying to get him involved in other activities so that he has good social interaction.

Oh as for words said…I haven’t been logging words as they come out these days but in the past few weeks his vocab has consisted of his famous word car of course and baby he says Tay Tay all the time for his friend Taylor.

He says boat quite often now and Mimi…He says broke too a word he learned from his friend Caleb.

He also says bug.

He fell asleep or should I say read himself to sleep this early afternoon when I was taking a shower…I snapped some pics and got a video it was soo precious. He is such a good little baby.

It is 5:53pm and I am going to pause this blog entry again…He is playing with his 18 wheeler but is becoming frustrated with it so I better help the lil fella out:)

I put a puppet on my hand and asked Drayton what is name is and sure enough he said “Drayton”. I am sooo proud.

I just got back from laying him down for bed…

There have been many pauses in this blog I am using it as a go back and forth and make note sorta blog today…It is 11:05pm

He fell asleep in my arms with his head in the crease of my elbow and his butt in my hand…We were curled up and cuddled so sweetly together and it was then I decided I would like to have a photo of us like this so I can have it turned into a drawing or an oil painting…That would be soo wonderful and meaningful to have.

My colonoscopy and EGD is in two days and I am nervous…..I hate anxiety!

I am worried about it alot but am trying my best to be positive. I just hope all is well in my body and that it’s just a matter of needing to change my diet or something…

I better not stear over to this subject it really is stressful to have so much worry and anxiety inside.

I will be letting Granny down the street whom Drayton really admires watch him over here at our house for like 20-30 minutes while Blake drops me off on Thursday and then she will come back over while he is off picking me up.